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Self-giving
The principle that “to give is to receive” also reveals itself in other areas of human relationships. The teacher learns from the students, the performer is inspired by the audience, and the psychoanalyst preserves mental health through the patients—provided that none of them treats the other as an object and that their relationship is sincere and productive.
It hardly needs emphasizing that the capacity to love as an act of self-giving depends on the level of development and the character of the person. This capacity requires a productive orientation. With such an orientation, a person overcomes dependence on narcissistic self-admiration, the desire to exploit others, and the drive to accumulate, and develops faith in their own human powers and the courage to rely on them in pursuing a goal. Without these qualities, a person is afraid to give themselves—and therefore is afraid to love.
Category: Ideas about relationships
Questions about this article
01What does Erich Fromm mean by self-giving in love?
It is an active capacity to share attention, knowledge, care, and living presence without turning the other person into an object. In a productive relationship, the giver also changes and receives through the contact itself.
02How does self-giving differ from self-sacrifice or erasing oneself?
For Fromm, it rests on inner strength, freedom, and a productive orientation rather than the destruction of personal boundaries. Exploitation, dependency, and hoarding contradict mature self-giving.
03Why might a person fear giving themselves?
In the quoted view, fear is connected with insufficient trust in one's human powers. Without inner support, openness can feel like loss or danger rather than a productive exchange.